A Daily Juxtaposition

We live in this juxtaposition of pace of life. We are encouraged to slow down, to take it all in, to rest and reflect, to be in the moment. Yet, the pace of life sweeps us up, pushes us further, consumes us in the chaos, moves us faster than ever thought possible. The result is us zooming through life as we pine for rest and the time/space to take it all in. A juxtaposition.

I experienced this juxtaposition first hand working a new year’s conference. I was charged with the task to capture the experience of the conference on film. My footage would then be used to make a recap film, and several promotional films for the following year. I loved the potential and opportunity in this task. Before the conference I was excited for the opportunity to film everything, yet fearful of the task of creating good films.

Slight backstory: I’ve been making videos ever since college (8 years.) Fun ones and parodies of stuff. I progressed seriously into this hobby two years ago with the leadership and vision of a good friend of mine. He would dream up an idea, direct/edit and operate the camera, while I would write the script, locate actors and locations, and produce the films. We are a good team together, and I love making films in this manner.

So back to the current task. I’m on a team but the roles are reversed. I’m the director while another creative is the editor and producer. This is the first time that I am directing the films, getting the shots, operating the camera. Rightfully so, I feel out of my element. My fears of creating good content was alive and justified. So I prepared as best I could, planning outlines, watching video tutorials, asked a ton of questions, and tried not to lose sleep over it all. Our team got to the conference early and crafted a game plan: brainstorms, whiteboards, checkboxes, lists, they all came together before the storm. The arrival of students the following day.

When that day dawned it was GO TIME! I ran from meeting to meeting with my objectives in mind yet the execution of them was all left up to me. This was the part I was scared of! Getting a good picture of what was actually happening. My mind was flooded with technical language: ISO, white-balance, rule of thirds, zoom, etc. My eye was overloaded with what was happening and how it looked. My imagination was on overdrive, trying to reinvent the wheel with each shot. And right as I was about to enjoy this unique high of the creative senses I was lead to a new location/shot/objective. And again, and again, and again.The checkboxes and the never waning energy of the students kept me going. And yes, at times against my will.

But then there were these rare moments of bliss. My body would demand me to take naps midday. As I was falling asleep my mind would be reeling of to-do’s, should-have’s, and what-it’s. I would steal away a few minutes to recharge. When I awoke I wanted to resume the exhaustive lists of things to do, but instead my mind would wander to this thought of appreciation and thankfulness.

“Isn’t it awesome that you get the opportunity to do all this? Run around dreaming and filming.”

This thought would dominate my mind. It would halt all previous thinking, moving and actions.

Here’s the juxtaposition: my circumstance and environment called me to endless action yet my mind/body would hold me in the appreciation and refreshment. Oh, the tension it truly is!

Then just as suddenly I found myself within this state, I found myself back worrying about every shot and cut needed. Back to the creative grind I went, yet now a little wiser in appreciation for it all. Those moments of appreciation were few and fleeting but they made the whole ringer of the creative process worth it.

I saw that I felt alive running to and fro capturing each moment even while in the moment I was exhausted. I feel alive when I get to tell a story that’s meaningful and full of life. The grind to get it all in and done is exhausting but the process and the outcome of the process is rewarding.

Yes, the juxtaposition doesn’t make sense but when you push into it, you experience the life that you’ve been created for.

[This incredible photo of everyone at Cru Encounter 2014 was taken by kylepost photography]


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